Wolfsbane
by Amydiddle
Summary: The moon shines bright over Hogwarts in all it's full glory, and the Defense Against Dark Arts Professor Remus Lupin is about to go through a change. With the help of a potion he is about to get the first good transformation he had in twelve long years, and his heart hurt to think about such things. The result of the transformation being good, painful memories being unleashed.


**Wolfsbane**

Remus stared at the cup in front of him that Severus had left, the sun was already setting outside the window and he still had yet to take the potion. He had heard about its creation, looking at the pricing for the ingredients, and also weighted the fact that he had never been good in potions.

All that added up to many painful moons with many reminders that he was still alone, still alone for 145 moons, today chalking up to be the 146th and still the wolf was not content with the new life. Well today he wouldn't have to be content, he wouldn't even really show his muzzle.

Grabbing the cup, and drank the contents; even though the little Sirius in the back of his head that he wished left when the man did told him he was going to die for drinking something Snape gave him. He had better things to do then worry about some ridiculous childhood feud.

Carefully he removed the last of his clothing, not in the mood to spend the wages he was getting to fix his already shabby robes. Making sure the door was locked and the wards and spells were keeping the office he was spending the night in safe he curled up under his desk.

The sun was just disappearing behind the mountainous hills beyond the castle windows as Remus closed his eyes.

The office was at a comfortable temperature, not like how he imagined the shrieking shack. The wind and cold was probably worse now after they had left it for ruin, the small drafts that came from the walls he could only imagine were freezing.

He hugged his upper body tight as he felt a tremor run through him, the moon was rising; he hoped this potion worked.

Remus did his best to imagine the comforting presences that used to be around him, like to think Peter and James were with him on these nights when they were rough at least in some way. He felt his bones pop and squeezed his eyes tighter.

For the sake of Harry, Neville, Ron, and the rest of the children and faculty of this school he really hoped that his potion he had been drinking for a week did what it was supposed to do and that is was worth the awful taste.

A scream ripped from him as he felt his bones succumb to the pressure and snap so they could reform, his jaw starting to unhinge.

 _Please let this work, please._

* * *

Remus never felt so relaxed after a transformation since the three had joined him, he couldn't help but smile as his sleep dreary mind made him hear the voices of the school children as the bickering of his friends as he began to wake up.

He stretched, feeling that his elbows were a little rub burnt from sleeping where he did, and smiled. Rubbing his eyes but not opening them. He felt his age, no, he felt younger. Like he was back in school with his pack around him.

"You will never believe the dream I had, guy-"

His brown-green eyes opened to his office, and he frowned, forgetting where he was.

Who he was even.

Where was James, who would awkwardly give him a blanket to cover up while Peter ran to get his extra clothing? And Sirius to laugh with him as he explained last nights events in detail? Why was he in an office instead of the Shack?

He momentarily forgot the pain he had gone through for the past twelve years, coming up to thirteen.

He forgot about Lily and James' death, Peter's demise, Sirius' arrest and escape, even his job and what age he was.

It all came crashing down on him though as he set his eyes on the picture that he had dragged out of his drawer before the transformation took place. The glass on the frame scratched over one face, though the photo underneath was safe.

Four happy faces still smiled out at him, James smiling kindly, Lily smiling brightly, Peter laughing at something from behind the camera, and Remus himself getting pulled into a one armed hug by the man hidden behind the angry scratches. His own face with a shy smile and a shake of his once shaggy long hair.

A tear slipped down his face as he pushed the picture away.

They weren't here, he had a good moon and they weren't here.

Pulling his knees to his chest he moved back under the desk and started to cry silently, listening as the students walked past. He didn't care how sick he felt, he was lost, and angry, and confused.

How could he have a good moon without his friends?

It was all because of Wolfsbane.


End file.
